Zanny Rants Opinions, Thoughts and Commentary of a Baby Boomer Artist

 This is a true story I wrote last evening about the effects of the energy each of us contributes ongoingly to everything and everyone around us, whether we’re aware of it or not. Positive or negative, each of us does make a difference in how well (or not) the planet continues to evolve. I’d love your thoughts on the subject!

 

 

POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE, IT’S ALL ABOUT ENERGY

 

 

A few nights ago I received a phone call from my very dear friend, Dana. It was late, 11:30 PM, but that wasn’t unusual. We speak almost every night around that time. What was different and alarming was that she sounded as if she were on her deathbed, literally! I could barely hear or understand her. I knew she’d been suffering for several days with a low-grade migraine headache, which had apparently escalated into one of those COMPLETELY debilitating, AWFUL episodes that knock you totally senseless. There is no way to describe the excruciating pain to someone who has never suffered through a full-blown migraine. It truly is debilitating! You really do become immobilized, and yes, even talking on the phone is damn near impossible.

 

 

Of course, I’ve never heard of anyone actually dying from a migraine headache. If that was all (I use the term “all” lightly here) Dana was suffering from, I wouldn’t have been so upset and concerned. But there’s so much more going on for her now. I call it total overload. Stress of every kind, including financial, emotional and physical. Totally overwhelming, soul-wearying overload. Feeling trapped and isolated, with no solutions appearing on the horizon. It’s the kind of overload that makes you question your very existence and it’s purpose.

 

 

Because we live in different states, there was really very little I could do to comfort or support her. I asked for phone numbers of someone, anyone, close-by who could bring her some Excedrin Migraine. (She had none.) She needed someone who could help manage the tremendous responsibilities of running an animal sanctuary. Eventually and reluctantly, she gave me the number of a friend she considers a surrogate daughter, followed immediately with all the reasons why this woman shouldn’t be called. After all, she had children of her own and it was late! DAH! OK, and…….you need help, my friend!

 

 

After ending the conversation, such as it was, I placed that phone call to the surrogate daughter. I got the answering machine, but left an “urgent” help request for Dana, leaving my contact information as well. Then I thought of another person who might be able and willing to be of some assistance in what I thought was a crisis situation, based on how Dana sounded.

 

 

His name is, for this story, Tom, although some (me, me, me) might say asshole is definitely more appropriate! This man first appeared at the animal sanctuary 11 or 12 years ago, showing obvious concern for the animals, but also a LUST for Dana! Initially, their relationship was very passionate, even sometimes romantic. During that euphoric period, she and I spent many hours trying to figure out this guy and his motives. Although he was married, he didn’t share a residence with his wife. He had little interaction or relationship with her and, yet, had absolutely no interest in or intention of leaving the marriage. Perhaps, we eventually concluded, it was a financial decision.

 

 

Over the years, he has remained an integral part of Dana’s life, although in my humble opinion, not a healthy one. The passion and romance have been replaced with bitterness and rage. Sweet nothings once whispered have become foul-mouthed, vicious personal attacks. I’ve heard about them for years now, although they’re something I’ve never personally been exposed to…. until the other night, that is! OMG…..

 

 

Tom has been a huge financial support for the sanctuary, giving many thousands and thousands of dollars, bringing hay and food (for both people and animals), clothing, blankets, and all kinds of necessary equipment. He has managed to make himself damn near indispensable to the operation of the ranch. THAT is his insurance policy guaranteeing my friend won’t just kiss his sorry ass good-bye, which I wish to God she could do. I understand she can’t right now simply because of the financial support he does offer. An unfortunate but true reality for her survival, as well as the hundreds of other lives for which she is responsible.

 

 

Initially, I called Tom to ask if he could please check on Dana and perhaps bring her some Excedrin, but within seconds of making my innocent enough request on her behalf, a torrent of extremely foul-mouthed, screaming, rageful accusations were hurled at ME, and anyone else who supposedly “supports” Dana and the animals she rescues. Quite honestly, in all my years and the many difficult situations I’ve experienced, I’ve NEVER before had anyone become so instantly and completely unhinged and out of control like that. (Have I mentioned vulgar?) I was floored, shocked, flabbergasted, and, despite my calm and polite demeanor, was totally unable to reign in this man’s nasty, vulgar hate and rage spewing. After listening to his barrage of attacks on everyone, I interrupted with a cold “Thank you, Tom.” Then I simply hung up the phone. Later, in hindsight, I wish I had challenged his resentment and anger more. Why didn’t I ask if someone was forcing him to be the ranch savior? Why didn’t I confront his need to lash out and his denial of assistance for Dana that evening? Perhaps because I was in shock. Or because I do have a basically non-confrontational demeanor. Or just maybe because some part of me knew it would only serve to enrage him further. And now it’s a moot point. I have no intention of EVER speaking to Tom again, about anything. (Notice I didn’t use the word never!)

 

 

It’s been several days since that whole incident occurred. Dana is feeling better, and in fact, called me the next morning sounding like a human being once again. The headache and accompanying nausea were gone. Thankfully! However, I am still upset and somewhat angry about the experience. Of course, my anger serves no purpose, but perhaps my writing will.

 

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I believe in energy…. that everything is made up, basically, of the same energy in different forms. Dogs easily pick up on the “energy” of people. They sense fear, anger, deceit. Things we humans are pretty much now desensitized from recognizing. It isn’t that we don’t have these same instinctual abilities, it’s that they’ve been trained out of us by society, religions, politics, advertising, big business……and on and on. Not only have we been dumbed down intellectually, but on a soul-level, as well.

 

 

There are some, however, who do cling to these inner knowings, believing in what the “unawares” might call silly or ridiculous. Things like “smudgings”, “cleansings”, or “energy clearing”. It is why some study and practice Feng Shui, understanding the significance of the energy created in a space by the use of color and the placement of furniture and objects within that space. Psychics read “auras”. Ghostbusters pick up on temperature fluctuations and sounds. It’s why some believe in the power of prayer and miracles. These are all about energy, both individually and collectively. It is why my thoughts for you , and yours for me, and our collective consciousness regarding the world DO matter.

 

 

Dana and I have been having an ongoing debate about this subject for the last few days. We have agreed to disagree. You see, my theory is that there is no way the angry, bitter, rageful energy Tom brings onto the ranch is NOT affecting the entire place….from the animals to the people, to the finances, to the success or failure of the operation. She does not see it that way. In her mind, she is now so used to his rage she has “desensitized” herself from it’s impact and he, therefore, doesn’t have much affect. I do understand that, and am glad she no longer takes his attacks personally. I understand that she has seen the best and the worst of this man, and is able to distance herself from that “worst” part. She also argues that it can’t be true if you don’t believe it’s true.

 

 

I think what I’m hearing is that if she doesn’t believe Tom has any influence on the energy of the ranch, well then, he simply doesn’t. I disagree completely! In my opinion, he does. I believe he cannot NOT affect the ranch. Oh sure, there are times when he may be on “good behavior”, when he manages to be polite, cordial, even charming. She may be anesthetized to his vulgarity and abuse, but the animals can feel it. Tom simply cannot dismiss, change or let go of the horrific inner anger he feels, even if he is on good behavior. Every animal on that ranch knows it, regardless of what either Dana or myself believes! It is, for whatever reason, part of the lessons he is here to learn, and until he transforms from the inside out, that kind of negative energy spills over to everything and everyone he touches.

 

 

Yes, I am glad Dana believes she is protected, and yes, I understand why she defends her position so vehemently. Yet, I continue to encircle her with white light daily, (my way of sending protection) as well as encircling the entire ranch and every living thing on it. I pray $2.25 million floods into her life immediately so she can free herself and the ranch from what I consider a very destructive (whether intentional or not) force affecting her life tremendously, right down to migraine headaches!

 

 

The days continue as usual for Dana, dealing with enormous responsibilities and the ongoing stress of life as an animal rescuer. We converse daily. The conversations rarely change. There is the constant influx of new animals, the constant need for more donations, not to mention the enormous amount of physical labor required that would overwhelm most of us. All I can do is be here to support her, without attempting to dictate how she runs her life or whom she allows influence in it, even if that includes Tom. It is sometimes challenging to keep my mouth shut! I would have kicked him to the curb quite some time ago. These are not my lessons to learn. I am an observer and a supporter only. But believe me, the next time she calls sounding as if she’s on her way out, I will be more selective in soliciting help on her behalf!