Keebler Alf
My little dog, Keebler Alf, died on Friday and I’m still not over the shock of it all. Yes, he was old, probably 18 (he was a young adult dog when I found him dodging traffic in Denver in 1992) but……… he was in great shape with no apparent health problems whatsoever and I’m honestly in shock that he’s gone. Sudden loss is always difficult. This is the first time in many, many years I have no little charges to take care of (be they feline, canine, avian or human) and it’s feeling incredibly awful, and yet, awfully incredible, all at the same time. Confusing.
Certainly part of me wants to run out and immediately fill the void with a new puppy, and yet, I can’t do that. Not now. Not at this stage of my life. Not while I’m still grieving Keebler’s loss. It would be a totally selfish motive and unfair to whatever new little critter I adopted. And besides, it may just be time for me to be free of the responsibility of another’s care, something I haven’t experienced for so long. In some strange way, it’s a frightening feeling, rather like the rug has been yanked from beneath my feet and I haven’t hit the ground yet. Hopefully, I’ll land on my feet, without injury.
Twice today someone has knocked at my door and there was no bark alerting me. How very strange. I no longer have to schedule my trips to insure I’ll be home in time to let the dog out. I no longer have to spend ridiculous amounts of money on the special food he needed due to his food allergy. There’ll be no more scooping poop from the back yard. No more vacuuming up hair or mopping up muddy paw prints in the kitchen. I can now walk away from my lunch and not worry about it being gone when I return. Wouldn’t it seem all this freedom would feel great? It doesn’t. Not yet. And if the truth were to be known, it’s freakin’ me out.
As uncomfortable as this is, all I know to do is wait. Let some time pass and try out this new lifestyle. Perhaps a month from now it will feel more “right”. And… maybe it won’t. I won’t know till I get there. I feel guilty for even entertaining the notion that I’ll enjoy this new freedom he’s given me.
Good bye, my little buddy. I miss you horribly.
